Ask a horse person if they have ever had a "heart horse". A horse that oozes into the deepest recesses of the heart and sets up a command center. You'll probably hear about a horse who can pull shenanigans or get into scrapes and still maintain their adored status. A heart horse can soothe the grieving heart in a way nothing else can.
Velvet is that horse. She is my heart horse. She has taken care of and carried me like I was a porcelain doll in silk clothes. Her large eyes softened, grew rounder and calmer when I was near. She could tell when my neuromuscular disorder was causing weakness and she would do everything to keep me balanced in the saddle or move gently when I was on the ground. She is truly the kindest horse I have ever encountered!
In turn, I pampered her. I learned what she preferred and, if possible, tried to give it to her. I was still the alpha, she must respect me at all times, but I tried to be the kindest alpha, the one she could trust to provide and care for her. She loved cold, crisp carrots fresh from the fridge on a hot Texas day! Another little treat was a concession at bathtime: washing her face with a soft cloth instead of spraying water in her face.
Horses do not like water sprayed directly in their faces and Velvet is firmly in that camp. I see it almost as a violation of their trust to blast them in the face if they do not like it. But if you soak a soft cloth and bathe her sweaty head, she will positively melt with relief, even snuggle your shoulder with her soft muzzle. It takes a little more time from me, but it means a great deal to her. Since this is a partnership, I sacrifice for her and I expect her to give her best to me when I'm in the saddle. Being thoughtful of others is inconvenient but pays big dividends.
Horses can teach us, if we will listen. They will teach us how to be kind and how to read others, both animals and people. They will teach us that thoughts control behavior. That's why you've heard (or experienced) that horses can sense anxiety/fear. Our muscles tense, our breathing shallows, and our movements become stiffer. I learned to listen closely and Velvet taught me.
You might be surprised to know that she no longer lives with me.
It's funny how life twists and turns. I thought I would have horses for the rest of my life. I spent my money, my time, my energy, everything expendable on my horses. I loved the horsey life! It was so much work and taught me skills that I lacked. I taught myself to hook up/load/maneuver a gooseneck trailer, to drive confidently yet carefully with living beings attached to my truck. I gained discipline in work: cleaning stalls, stacking hay, lugging 50-pound feed bags, cleaning leather tack, maintaining water and feed troughs, and prioritizing my time. When I had the flu, I forced myself out to feed in freezing weather. Animals don't care if we are sick or tired or we'd rather stay longer at the lake. They need to be cared for even on holidays.
But there was a problem. I had lost my open-handed heart attitude about the horses. The fist of my heart gripped tightly to the gift the Lord had given me. They became part of my identity, a huge center of my world. And in order to keep my focus in life correct, I had to learn a difficult life lesson. A lesson so integral to life: love is not selfish, love is not self-seeking, love is kind, love sacrifices for others.
In July of 2018, I was reading Luke 12:31-34. It's hard to describe the sensation, the communication that the Lord gives when He speaks through the Bible to your heart. That morning, sitting in my quiet spot, reading my Bible, I had no idea my life was about to change!
"But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you. Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
The bold text are the words that hammered in my heart that morning. "Sell the horses. Give them back to Me. The treasure in your heart is misplaced." This is what I sensed the Lord was saying to me in my heart.
In disbelief I blurted, "Lord, are You asking me to give up my horses??" Instant tears as I understood the assignment. And I never cry.
Even in this moment, telling you this story, my eyes glisten with grief.
"How could the Lord ask this of me," I wondered. "I'm not doing anything wrong with the horses." And it's true. I wasn't.
But, while I wasn't doing anything wrong, I also wasn't doing something right. I didn't have the right heart attitude. And in His sovereignty, God knew what needed to be done. As much grief as it would cause me, He knew what was both best for me ... and for the new people who would love Velvet.
I had no idea, but God had an exciting and wonderful new plan for Velvet. And I needed to be gracious and selfless enough to provide her that opportunity. I needed to listen to the Lord and obey.
Have you ever just known the right thing to do? I knew. But, I truly didn't think I could do it. I did not know how I could give my beloved horse to anyone. Who would love her like I do? "No one," I thought. Which was a justification and self-delusion.
Thus began an inexplicable six weeks of change. God gave me a new heart! In four weeks, the Lord opened an opportunity for our horses to live as treasured, loved horses at a boys and girls ranch. They are part of a program that helps kids go "from crisis to new creation", one child at a time. The equine program plays a huge role at this ranch and professionally trained competition horses with kind, patient hearts were exactly what the ranch needed.
Seeing this ranch, seeing their great facilities, and the opportunity for the horses to work gave me clarity. I realized what a blessing it would be for the horses to have a job at a place where kids would pet, kiss, brush, and ride them. These kids, who often have had power used against them in terrible ways, would be able to sit astride a 1,000 pound animal and control it. Velvet tries very hard to please her rider. And to give the gift of confidence to a child who has been betrayed and harmed? What a gift!
It's not a dream life, being a lesson horse. But that's a small part of life. And we all have to do things that are just not fun, even horses. The rest of the time, Velvet gets to lounge on 100+ acres of green grass and simply chill. She is snuggled, petted, kissed, and she keeps the secrets whispered into her neck amid the tears of children learning to trust again.
I can't believe it myself, but in six weeks, I went from idolizing my horses to re-homing them - with a joyful heart. Only the Lord could have supernaturally changed my heart like that! I didn't even think it was possible!
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)
I love you, Velvet. I'll always love you, but I'm so happy that I get to share you with so many people who also love you now. Life is better when we give and share and I'm so glad to share you with the world.